Shadows and Voices

I send my mother another text. I tell her, we really need to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist. As I wait for her reply, I think. I think about how the Voices in my head are getting louder. And of how The Shadows aren’t just Shadows anymore. They’re people, but not normal people, their dead people. I haven’t told anyone this deep and dark secret. I keep to myself so people won’t think I’m crazy.

I know that it’s all in my head, but sometimes even I think I’m crazy. My boyfriend says otherwise. He thinks I just drink too much Mt Dew and don’t get enough sleep. He says that I have an overactive imagination. Maybe he’s right, maybe it’s all in my head and I haven’t been seeing or hearing things.

So I try my best to ignore The Shadows and The Voices. Maybe they’ll do away if I pretend I don’t see them. Maybe it’ll stop being so loud. Who am I kidding? Everyone knows I’m different. I have friends, but not really. I say I have a life but I don’t. I just go to school and then home. They weren’t kidding when they told me life isn’t easy.

And so, everyday when I go home, I go to my room. Sometimes I cry and and sometimes I just stare blankly at the window. By nightfall, I am alone. Alone to think and cry. Alone to feel my feelings. I am totally and completely alone. At this point The Shadows and Voices have come to me again. They tell me that no one will ever love me. That I am...ALONE.

But tonight, I choose to stand up to them. I choose to be brave and to stand my ground. I tell the Voices and Shadows that I am LOVED, and that I am NOT ALONE. I have family and friends who have my back. I am so much more than what they tell me I am.

I am….MORE!

If you’ve ever felt like your own voice has said you’re not enough or not loved, go to Facebook and look up Stay Strong Everything’s Going To Be Okay. That page will help you. It’s helped me in more ways than one.