The Accident

I don’t know how it happened, but it happened. One second I was fine and happy and then the next…….I was calling 9-1-1. You see, I was one of those people who said that will never happen me, I’m way too careful to get into a car accident. I don’t know how my car crashed, but it did and I don’t understand why. Everyone was so nice, they helped calmed me down, the people at the hospital were also very nice. They told I was one of the lucky ones, nothing major had broken in me. But I feel like something inside of me did brake, not a bone, not a lung, nothing physical. Something mental and emotional has broken, I can feel that something is off.

I don’t know if anyone else can see it on my face, but the car thing has definitely taken a toll on my mental and physical states. This wall that I have built for years, everyday it’s breaking. I feel like I’m getting worse and worse, I’m just so lucky to have a boyfriend who cares so much about me and understands what I’m going through. I have been strong through everything that I have been through. My only hope is that I can help others that are going through what I am.

There are some days that I ask myself, did this happen because I said that I wanted to die to so many people? Maybe it happened because I’m not a good person. All I know is I’m not sure why it happened, but it did happen. And all I can do is be thankful that it wasn’t worse, that nothing serious broke. And I am, I really am thankful, for everyone who is helping me through this hard time. I’m lucky enough to have music as a way to cope through all the stress and anxiety that I have.

It’s been a week since the car accident, and I’m working through a lot of what I feel. Physically, my knees still hurt and I’m still having some really bad headaches. Other than those things, I feel better than I did yesterday and last week. Yes, a lot of things still scare me, but I need to get back up on the horse and try again. I just have take all of slowly and learn from that moment in time. And I will, learn from what happened, and hope that the roads aren’t icy when I do try driving a car again.